Writing your first novel

by: Romany Howes (3 July 2014)

"There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are" (W. Somerset Maugham). Everyone has a book in them, they say. It's getting it down on paper that's the problem. And then there's getting an agent interested, who then has to in turn, attract a publisher. It's not an easy task: take a look at some gems of wisdom from established authors.

• The first draft of everything is shit – Ernest Hemingway
• Never use jargon words like reconceptualize, demassification, attitudinally, judgmentally. They are hallmarks of a pretentious ass – David Ogilvy
• Notice how many of the Olympic athletes effusively thanked their mothers for their success? "She drove me to my practice at four in the morning," etc. Writing is not figure skating or skiing. Your mother will not make you a writer. My advice to any young person who wants to write is: leave home – Paul Theroux
• I would advise anyone who aspires to a writing career that before developing his talent he would be wise to develop a thick hide – Harper Lee
• You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club – Jack London
• Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout with some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven on by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand – George Orwell
• If you don't have time to read, you don't have the time, or the tools, to write. Simple as that – Stephen King
• Remember: when people tell you something's wrong or doesn't work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong – Neil Gaiman
• If writing seems hard, it's because it is hard. It's one of the hardest things people do – William Zinsser
• Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college – Kurt Vonnegut
• Prose is architecture, not interior decoration – Ernest Hemingway
• Write drunk, edit sober – Ernest Hemingway
• Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be – Mark Twain
• Start telling the stories that only you can tell, because there'll always be better writers than you and there'll always be smarter writers than you. There will always be people who are much better at doing this or doing that, but you are the only you – Neil Gaiman
• Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative – Oscar Wilde
• You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you – Ray Bradbury
• Don't take anyone's writing advice too seriously – Lev Grossman

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